how can I help new lover to get over the pressure to perform in bed?
We’ve known each other for only a few weeks. The first time we had sex he started to lose his erection and said that happens the first time. He’s totally attracted to me and he appreciates my sexual appetite. Another time he went oral on me and later said he got so excited he lost it. Another time we climaxed together as he was on top. And another time he put himself down and said usually you lose your hair first then get erectile dysfunction. He’s late 20′s i’m in my 30′s. It seems like he psychs himself out of an erection over the pressure to perform. Should I ask him what that means or ask if someone put pressure on him before. I’m not sure what to do. I’m scared if i bring it up it will make it worse. I told him he’s hard on himself. I’m happy with our chemistry and feel like he gets into his own head trip.
Try foreplay, and spend a long time doing it, that way he can relax as he has other things he can do without just ‘putting it in’.
Also massages, stroking, that also helps.
Oral is also good, why not try that before intercourse, that was you can both relax and have fun before the magic moment.
All men have or will have that issue at some time, i have had it a couple of times myself, its a feeling that you HAVE to perform, maybe letting him known there are also other ways to do it so he can relax is a good idea. When it happened to me, my last partner got on with it herself and that got me going, and also made me a bit jealous.
Making sure that he realises that intercourse is not the only way to enjoy it and have pleasure will lead him onto other things, if i finished before my partner then until it came back ‘up’ again, i used to go down on her and give her oral, that way she was happy and i could just wait for lift off again!!!
